Home » Uncategorized » I was not depressed just a damaged broken heart.

I was not depressed just a damaged broken heart.

Next week is depression awareness week people will describe as a genetic, clinical,faulty mind,health due hormones,thyroid affects of health, some like me will describe as the affects of live. 

I was abused as I grew up, I growing up moved a few times did stints in London n Bradford scattered round Leeds from nowells to bays waters, to eastdean drive that home hides the rooms were I experience the acts that are etched of a dark mind of a predator, too remember that person inflicted hurt on someone I have a love/hate relationship my mum. People a assume if mum tries meet someone I don’t like them they re partly true but its not them personally my mum knows why I,ve told her many times there’ll never be anyone good enough n that because my mum deserves someone who going to Knock through her barriers like I at times need people do me. , I lived Waterloo n swinnow too in those houses tthe memories of darkness are to etched in my mind. I went to our lady’s primary even sad home life school I loved Michelle’s birthday parties, trip Filey n pack ups in brown paper bags, Vanessa she was my bf I wonder where she is know n Peter too even Gemma n Anthony too. Sister Elizabeth she scared us all but she was actually nice, loved mrs Sweeney she gave me sweets after did school play n did swell in spelling tests. Father Michael was fun I later found out in high school he used to teach n taught the headmaster. I hated leave my friends not properly say goodtheir hated times hearing my mum crying alone too is only know homes have dissolved pain she’ll have felt too. 

I was an angry child most of my growing up but you prob be too I struggled make friends not due be shy but scared lose due move, I was a bully at times didnt know how express been hurt, feeling vulnerable, lost away from friends n places felt impulses of happy. Angry too felt bitter why me, angry too was what kept me strong. 

High school I part liked part hated loved mrs platt n rm 6 I used hide in their I lost my bf his bereavement broke my heart I envisaged he be one rescue me his fun n caring nature. I willed he’d recover pull through but the tumour came back. I remember seeing him before tumour came back he thought he maybe coming back school we sat on the radiator in the reception foyer he told me all ok n he’d be back n I loved that he never knew what going on home but his friendship n fun n smile they were what kept me strong. 

To be continued

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