Home » Uncategorized » The 3 S’S – Stigma, Shame an Suicide

The 3 S’S – Stigma, Shame an Suicide

Last year I lost my brother to one of the biggest killers of Males under 45, I’ve discovered that their is Stigma an Shame attached to how he died, I feel the stigma of because people don’t want to ask how I am, I don’t know if it’s because they don’t know how to, I don’t know if it’s because they’re afraid to ask and fear upset me, I’ve discovered people know do keep their distance have the look in eye’s it’s Katie, the look please don’t stop say hello ask am ok because if do am obliged ask back and depending on what say won’t know how respond. When I see that look or pick up on that feeling it breaks my heart, makes me feel invisible and alone, makes me feel have to put on a mask pretend ok, makes it harder for me to deal with my emotions and keep a lid on them an wearing a mask is exhausting so When lid goes can spontaneously get upset or react in anger and having own Mental Health needs intensifies that. I get that life is busy people are busy an time has to move on, but for me an my family it hasn’t we’ve not begun the grieving process as we’re still struggling to face what happened an why, and why when tried ask for help it not given and so because of a complex process to get that we can’t and so day by day it’s a battle of wits just face each day, I feel deeply for my mum because the brave face I put on I see she puts on, I wish she didn’t have to wish could change things but can’t, wish we didn’t have to pretend we’re ok and wish my family didn’t have to hide our pain and upset away in silence but we do, we get told your doing remarkably well considering then the pause, since My brother died yes we are , but the voice in my head screams we’ve no choice. I don’t say how my brother died it’s not because I’m ashamed it’s because I know more could have been done for him and he didn’t mean do he was however stupid he drastically did something to cry for help and so the anger I have is for them not him, I do feel shame but the shame I feel is that I wished I’d done more when he asked for help got it as it breaks my heart knowing he asked so many times and it wasn’t their, Losing someone to how I lost my brother is one of the worst unimaginable ways to lose someone you can’t ever prepare for nor properly say goodbye and nor know are they really at peace you try convince themselves they are, I talk to my brother everyday, everyday I tell him I’m Sorry, Tell him that he won’t be another statistic that his life mattered and lessons will be learned, I tell him what my day will be like and at end of day What I’ve done if I’ve broke down I ask him why he didn’t zap me with a bolt of lightning, I ask him is their live after death, are u at peace, what’s heaven like are you raving or are you looking after Marybeth. He doesn’t answer though even though I will with all my heart and might. I wish people did talk to my mum and my family about my brother it’d help us in our pain, reassure us his life mattered, I wish people asked we’re ok because it’s very lonely and isolating and why we know start to keep ourselves to ourselves in our own little circle and hate the world that little bit more. Even in our darkest days we still try function, make the effort because we know we have to and so it wouldn’t hurt to expect that back, but most importantly if we’re not ok how do we say we’re not and get help and support because we’ve not had that dialect or interaction. It puts the stigma and shame on something that shouldn’t be their, triggers me into hating the it’s ok to talk, it’s ok ask for help as they’re really great initiatives brought out of pain an suffering but also because I feel the stigma and shame off I question why, why do they try if people not standing up, taking notice and listening, and when I say listening it’s listening to what someone potentially

I say, what are they hiding inside as much as what they vocally may say. I struggle now at times interact with those who know me because of that invisible awkwardness, the pretending ok becomes crippling just like the voice in my head that goes of, so Why do people not talk more about how my brother died, Why isn’t more been done to prevent how he died and, How do you support people who’ve lost loved ones like how I lost my brother. September is Suicide Prevention Month and so this month I hope people actually do listen, stand up and take notice because then for those affected by may open door for it too be talked about and it make the difference to someone who needs. It’s too late for my brother and my family but it doesn’t have to be that way for other’s x x x

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