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First Day’s

Every year I’ve sat back watched friends share their children’s first day at school nursery, reception an high school photos an every year I’ve smiled and liked an commented an wished good luck an every year my heart’s been tugged with sadness an Jealousy as I pictured what my little girl Marybeth would have looked like, I’d picture her with a smiley face, pig tails in her hair and in pinafore dress and chunky buckle shoes like I’d used to wear. I’d imagine her been excited lively and extra bouncy, I’d imagine waving her off on her first day and lining up with her class an waving me off going in. It’s always been something hard try share in because it’s a milestone we never had a moment never experienced and another slap in face never got to watch her grow up.

Today my 3 1/2 year old son had his first day at school nursery we woke up early we watched morning cartoons, I made him jam toasted on bagels as a sweet treat breakfast, he noticed the sweets I’d had last night so I said since your first day before you get ready you can have one, we didn’t stress or worry was nice we took our time. We chatted as we washed are hands an faces at the sink brushed our teeth together and my son asked me do his reminded me my eager big boy needed me.

It was a surreal experience dressing him in his uniform putting on his new school shoes, and brushing his hair ready and packing his school bag I’d waited so long for this moment so it was a moment I’d wanted savour. It was a moment I’d always imagined have with Marybeth but today was a real blessing share with my son I couldn’t be sad with him when messing about when trying take that first day photo nor did I try pressurise him have as we was sharing this moment together and that was far more perfect than the photo, watching him dance around parading about in his uniform was fun seeing him jumping up and down exercising because he liked the loud noise his shoes made, made me laugh, he chose dinosaurs on his shoes to remind him of his old nursery and specifically Sheryn and he hoped he’d see Sheryn an him watch build a tower I didn’t want spoil that moment so I nodded my head and said maybe, he was looking forward to seeing his new classroom an making friends and was been a good boy and know grown in short time had uniform on he was getting to big for it made me smile,

Driving up to school we chatted about the things he saw outside the window and was his cousins at his school I said no they’d started their schools and he said they’ll be their, their schools were broken I chuckled at how his thinking worked, we arrived at school did try get one more perfect photo but wasn’t meant be we walked down hand in hand I was so proud he pressed the bell to the nursery door as he waited to be let in he saw trains an was so excited, the door was opened we went in found his peg and bag he has a spider picture on his name space I smiled it was like Nanna 2’s imaginary spider we put his things in his bag and went in to class he handed over his water bottle and put his name on the pear tree he gave me a kiss and held his teacher and casually walked off hand in hand, a lump in my throat wellled my lil man was growing up and I was so very proud and forever I will treasure this moment and wish could bottle up and keep the emotions and feelings and drink when having a bad day,

I messaged photos to siblings and grandparents and thought of my brother Tim my sons god parent an uncle an in that moment our first day was tinged with sadness but not because of Marybeth but because my son missed out sharing today with him as I’d known he’d have been proud as punch as moment he was born my brother was eternally proud I’d been blessed with a child of my own so on his fb page was only fitting shared them their an say hope you watching down from heaven am keeping him safe in class.

My sister Nat phoned me her kids went into reception no problems didn’t look back an so therefore she wasn’t gonna feel guilty missing them, My sis Robynn messaged Logan was fine she was the blubbering mess pregnancy hormones though probably didn’t help, I’m blessed that me an my sisters have shared our children’s first days together this week an can continually share many Milestones together as that makes sharing first days extra special an today was very much well worth the wait.

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