Home » Family » Myles next Milestone

Myles next Milestone

I’m laid in the dark feeling nervous, anxious sick to my stomach my baby sleeping next to me, my baby been my 4 year old son. Either at Midnight or sometime tomorrow my baby will get his email confirming his school place. At first I was only anxious would we get our first choice, then it was anxious would he adjust going full time Monday to Friday, then when nursery started introducing homework as part of getting school ready that anxiety hit is Myles school ready then I had the excitement ooh I’ll have all this extra time can look at having my life an identity back try have a career but then hit with the stark sadness an anxiety crap am going to have all this time an how am I gonna fit in Myles have so many different expereiences us doing stuff together time will be drastically confined to weekends an soon the school holidays. Myles has grown to quick times gone too fast the Milestones are forced stages of transition, times forcing me to face up to he’s no longer a baby, nor infant nor toddler I’m not ready for the next stages I want to keep him as my baby for longer. Stomachs knotting, twisting heart beating ten to dozen, palms sweating, fear, panic, kicking in one email changes everything, one email don’t think actually want to open, one email don’t want to be one that forces the realisation Myles school is which equals Myles is a baby no more don’t want fell that sadness, that feeling of loss that comes with the next stage an Milestone. That emails also the stark reminder of a moment a milestone never had with Marybeth it’s a stark reminder of a moment missed out on with her. I wonder what would happen if I didn’t open, didn’t acknowledge would it go away could I keep Myles as an infant, baby, toddler a little longer, I wonder if Myles is aware an understands the process of been ready for school it would make the anxieties easier manage if he was able say Mum I’m ready it’s time but he’s only 4 an that’s a big ask of a 4 year old say Mum I’m ready for my next Milestone, next chapter in my journey, I’m ready mum for school, I’m picturing though me wanting shout but Mummy’s not ready just yet can we not just keep you are just a little longer an us choose when ready for Myles next Milestone because how do I cope, how do I let my little boy grow up x x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s