Why are Mental Health Services Failing, Why are Lives been Lost.

I was once optimistic Services would improve and improve for the better initiatives an policies around crisis care, no decisions about me made without me were made the NHS an services were to be Liberated the Recovery Bus, Coproduction Bus and Person Centred Care Bus rolled up into town. Did they make a difference, Did they leave people liberated and will the new 5 year forward initiative make a lasting impact I’m sceptical it won’t because I once believed that Services Could Change Improve Lives, Help individuals Regain Control and put the person an those close to them at the centre and provide a whole person approach attitude to care. I was wrong and my optimism that Services Could do that proved to be fatal. In the last few weeks the media has been highlighting cases were deaths are been investigated and a trust is to be investigated in one case. I’ve discovered that my family is not alone as we too are fighting for answers to how our loved one could have lost his life he did not lose his life however in an inpatient setting he lost his in a transitional housing unit a unit that’s supposed to provide care for vulnerable adults who were in crisis, needed mh support, support with homelessness an substance misuse. We put our loved ones care in the trust of services an the local authority that they would ensure an provide the care an support he needed.

We sadly got it wrong we like many other families now are fighting for answers we’ve had reach out too advocacy support, lodge formal NHS complaints, left outside the serious incident review process yet had our hearts ripped wide opened when had the people running come visit us at my mums family home but yet still no answers no been asked did we want input nor told what they will learn or put in place been sent a document though however that supposedly has in can we sign off on it. How can we if you’ve not sat gone through it with us or had us been involved in any of the process no one can make a decision on something not involved in but shouldn’t we have been after all we’re searching for answers to why, why our loved ones death was not prevented. We had to reach out to a charity Inquest because we didn’t know anything about what to expect, how to be involved the types of inquests and if not for them we wouldn’t have been put in touch with a solicitor an barrister but we’ve had to meet criteria for Legal Aid an that only covered representation to help prepare the case for inquest we then had to apply for separate funding for a grant to have barrister representation at the inquest but yet the Services who failed automatically have the money behind them to represent them but for families they have to search an find that help an that’s sad it’s also sad we don’t get automatically represented as do the services as it’s a live been lost here a life that mattered and a death that should be held accountable for and answers need to be answered how could it have happened and why and was enough done theirs also issue you had a duty of care an families put that trust in you and that is why then you become accountable because that trust was put in you. As a family member I witnessed my loved one passed from pillar to post, told to ask for help an when did told couldn’t help so why tell him ask for, I saw pleas from my family ignored, I saw my loved one slowly become even more invisible, dehumanised, made feel unworthy an in end not listened too, not cared for or supported that’s hard to face an accept especiallly when don’t expect from services that were supposed to be their an provide that. Sadly my loved ones passing won’t be the last an that too is hard to accept because you then wonder what will they learn from the incident report carried out an what will they learn from the impending inquest because sadly my brother won’t be last. I also suspect under the area he came under he was sadly not the only individual failed and probably other families going through what we are too. Whilst awaiting I see initiatives around patient safety, suicide prevention an the new buzz one 5 year forward. Will they make a difference I suspect not it’s just a recycled blue print that for last few years keep rewording add a few more charts an statistics an wow a new policy or charter to follow sadly not worth paper printed out on because sadly lives are continuously been failed, no one been held accountable, no lessons been learned from, their lives not mattering. Services are still been under funded, cuts still been made, workforces at breaking point, charity sector organisations stepping up and lifting the burden from you holding you up their the ones trying the best but are not given the credit for nor do you liase with them and assist in supporting someone you just quickly like pass someone on so not on your case load yet you need to work with them they can’t do it all alone but yet as with families you isolate them too. Crisis Care is shocking too the crisis care concordat act did that make a difference if did my brother would not have been turned away twice an also got in housing were living, but sadly their isn’t enough beds in or out of are, not enough home intervention teams and respite places available an thing we’re my brother lived is only 8 crisis beds available. Wasn’t the crisis care concordat act supposed to address that. Vulnerable individuals languish in police cell’s awaiting mh assessment some end up in the prison system locked up unfairly because at crisis committed offences but because not enough beds professionals say can see unwell but doesn’t warrant admission an so under public nuisance an anti social activity get imprisoned as well as many other offences during my brother’s care that too happened just impeded him further. It makes you wonder why as a society are we allowing that to happen why is the police and judiciary system allowing that are they powerless to act against the services can’t they enforce services to act especially when they clearly know difference between a vulnerable an mentally unwell person an hardened criminal. Why is it that over the years what’s published, guidelines not implemented you’ll tweet about, talk about have development meetings about but not implement, no changes be made and very little service improvement. Yet you market yourselves, give fancy awards, and too have buzz weeks fab change week the latest so what will you do what change an implement will you make what will you do to prevent lives been lost, Will you make your services inclusive to all, stop cutting services that matter, work with organisations lifting you up, will you stop labelling an stigmatising people under your care, will you stop turning people away because don’t fit your Dx an recovery models more importantly support loved ones who’ve lost someone under your care. Families shouldn’t have to fight for answers, set up justice groups an campaigns and have to search an fight for the answers because they need compassion an care an time to grieve they don’t just deserve empathy but also deserve be treated with dignity, respect and upmost of all they need the answers so can grief, hate say have closure an make pretending moving on with life’s easier. It’s also now time ask why in this day an age why are services still continuing to fail an sadly lives been lost.

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Escorted Leave

Today after calling in an visiting my mum, I jumped on the bus to make my way to Lighthouse for Academy it started of as an ok journey we past a nearby mental health unit 3 people got on at the stop outside, I guessed one was a Health Support Worker, one was an informal patient an one was a sectioned patient. The member of staff sat in the middle seat an a patient either side, one of them asked the member of staff how long take, I leant across an told her if not many people get on 20 minutes an as I told her could picture her working out how long would have out, she asked did I know we’re best stop get off for we’re she was going to and I told her, I heard her talking to the member of staff about wanting an id for her pass as was getting crumpled and the HSW described many different options she could get and were probably find, I picked up from the conversation lady was going to look into a cookery course, I also picked up from the conversation a family member was going to visit an maybe another trip off the ward “that be nice picked up on HSW say, I put my head down looked out the Window and a lump welled up in my throat I remembered back to when that was me the person excited for escorted Leave and some of the places went to usually was only places like town centres easy get to usually a market stop and quick coffee I heard the women working out if time do pleaded with the hsw please let’s not rush back heard hsw say we’ll be pushing it for half past three. I wanted lean over plead with the hsw for the woman who asked in a meek, child like manner, I wanted say please don’t rush, let her have her freedom her space time out you’ll go home tonight she won’t please, I wished I’d asked didn’t like idea she’d feel rushed, panic not have chance embrace outside, I wanted ask are u ok,, treating u right, but I couldn’t I was paralysed in my past I was once that women childlike do anything to stay away from a ward longer, even though panicked an scared still felt a slight tingle at been out or should I say Free. I heard the HSW speak to the other lady about what she was going to do I picked up the other lady was informal she was going to go Window Shopping because she could and then on bus back to the Tesco then she’d get a taxi so not miss tea an the taxi wouldn’t be all that much even though I felt sad for them I smiled, I gathered all was quiet on the Ward this morning an that’s good felt saying yep it’s good when no alarms going off, not being restrained or seeing others in incidents as the words quiet on unit means no incidents and again I drifted back to a time when I was in that place and again my throats welled an a tear rolled down my eye, I wanted phone my mum, my sis say I was sad, say was catapulted to my past but I couldn’t because back then when I was on escorted Leave I wouldn’t have wanted anyone guess, would have wanted them think a group of friends out an I was normal not see was really mentally unwell and was probably why didn’t verbalise out loud kept to myself, When it got to their stop I saw them get off, I looked up saw the informal person slowly following the lady an member of staff and pictured they’d probably all stay together, I put my hand on the window whispered I was you once enjoy your time out and hope your out soon again and then be home. Then as the bus pulled out it dawned that even though my life had moved on I couldn’t escape my past that I once was unwell and a mental health inpatient and that would always be a part of me something that I’d not really ever leave behind.

Christmas Past and Christmas Present n tomorrow Christmas of the future.

This Christmas will probably be the most nerve wracking, rollercoaster of a ride but too probably be the most healing as potentially a door closes to allow a new one open a new I thought never have. 

Christmas of the past led me to fear Christmas, not get happy or excited about I wasn’t bah humbug just felt bah nothing. I never understood a festive spirit Id only experienced a dark n miserable time. So in end I’d dread Christmas n I’d crash, sadness, anger, heartache, my black dark cloud boom took over n I’d snowball into oblivion. 

I look back on past Christmas now yes with tears of sadness but too tears of sadness 4 that part of me n hope somewhere inside they too experience the newlife  N new side n new journey be had. 

When I look back on past childhood Christmas I have great love n admiration my mum but too I kinda get why she has the bah nothin feel for Christmas she’s experienced great grieve n bereavement her Grandad n too so have I in loss of a daughter my mums Grandad would have made my Mums Christmas as I too my daughters. 

My mum too suffered heartache, pain n her own negative treatment n abuse n to this day does just from another abuser/abusers I call them bullies or cowards n wished they took a real long hard look at themselves n the green eyed monster that makes them feel way do n when pass comment it’s always been mum n her kids please see why n then ask would u still be same n so my Christmas wish this year goes to her n in new year she is left alone n can find her own happiness her past closes n allowed to open a new. 

At Christmas time as a Child I suffered abuse but too my mum I witnessed her suffer n spent a few Christmas finding somewhere safe too go n refuge n one practically walking the streets, I saw her try make Christmas for us put on a face that Christmas n wishes n spirit I saw her try salvage n put back together trashed rooms n tress n worked hard try give us a good Christmas n still smile n inside her heart crushed. Id hear her cry to Unchained Melody n ask herself why, what’s point what had she done wrong it used break my heart did that. 

I used to believe in Christmas n ever afters n chased that dream thing mum inside still does but Fears too as not ever had n till sees prob won’t believe in think I at one point the year n Christmas sectioned was due finally give up on. 

This Christmas however is a new dawn for me I close the door on Christmas of sadness n pain I have my Christmas miracle my Son, I have someone who too we have our moments their 4 us n loves n protects us n I know tomorrow’s Christmas will be a happy time as I can have the happy family time tresses n through having my son ill Open door to Christmas door off finding a believe in again. 

At Christmas my hearts n thoughts will be with those who have lost someone, childhood and adult victims of abuse n too those who lost n n wandering n hope find refuge n comfort n some joy and too all those in pain n suffering n engulfed in darkness n sadness I too hope that door closes 4 u as I too hope does 4 my mum. 

At Christmas I too feel proud of those who will open n give up their time be their 4 those who need like the Samaritans, NSPCC, Childline, Cruise, Crisis, Shelters, places offer refuge n a place gomi women centres n charities like healthy minds who support people move on too. 

This Christmas ill shed a sad tear as I say goodbye to Christmas heartache n smile at my son n Adam n thank my daughter my Xmas star 4 shutting the door n giving me my Christmas wish 

my own family n new beginning n one thing thought never have a chance have ever after n a world only dreamed have n Christmas spirit

i wish next year my mum gets that too x