Being mum something mh stigma taking away my enjoyment be.

People talk about stigma and MH. I thought that now I’m nearly two and a half years I wouldn’t be affected by stigma as much because I now maintain me I don’t display the image of a locked in zombified person, I’m not obese from meds, I do as part self care take great pride in me, I no longer hide away, no longer keep my voice locked in, no longer label my self as been mentally unwell or have mental health I’m just a person who befriended herself to reclaim her life.

Recentley I took great upset to Asda and Tescos MH Patient costumes for Halloween I took great offence not because of the name or the costume or because portrayed a false image of a mh patient but the fact I was a  patient 3 years ago n I’ve moved on but because of been a mh patient I’m been stigmatised more now and more so because ill be a mum soon. 

 

I hear constantly by obstetricians n midwifes ” you do know your 50 percent more likely relapse were do they pluck that statistic from n too why should they stigmatise n label me risk of relapse without getting to know me as Katie Siobhan and not look at me as still been Kathryn Atkinson. 

Im having prove I can be a new mum rather than be given a chance learn be a new mum and go to positive parenting classes because I’m labelled unfairly a vulnerable how can I be vulnerable if I’m independent, challenge myself, nervous n excited n in relation positive parenting n I’m biased no mum wants their child n do all they can n be the best n give their soon health n happiness n encourage be all can be a class can’t teach me that my heart did. I should have a choice go to not feel pressured into. 

My sisters I was upset when said classes can’t teach u be mum, it broke my heart as new that n wanted shout at others not just services but relatives n grandparents be n society too who make new mums like me prove know what doing n sure know what doing assume don’t know n not capable n don’t realise that perception n judgement takes away the joy n excitement off being mum as my sisters got a point a class can’t teach me, advice from others, demonstrating can dosent teach me but the love n bond have 4 my Lil one will do n being his mum n me be given oppurtunity to choose n learn from him n him me n us grow n bond together through love we have n me nurture n support him n care n encourage  n guide him me just me as Katie be allowed be mum. After all new mums aren’t labelled vulnerable people tell them look at all things look forward to well because I was once a past mh patient n stigma of been I’m stigmatised that wont cope, relapse, simple, won’t know what’s best n thinks new mums learn when baby comes along I’m having do now. 

That’s worst stigma I’ve ever faced n try challenge the challenge let me be Katie Siobhan n Katie Siobhan the new mum with everything to look forward too let me choose if parenting classes 4 me, if want access Wellbeing n peer groups n mum n baby Grps 4 me n not as feel pressured into after treated as a past patient n see me as that n mention relapse risk, monitoring n voluntary admissions as you don’t do to other new mums n dont label them vulnerable. I’m asking too dont stigmatise me anymore n make me feel have prove self think that’s Katie a new mum be n remind me of all look forward too. 

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My Myles, My Time, My baby and Im Mum

A year ago I struggled come to terms my sister’s been pregnant a wish I onced had a wish I realised wouldn’t happen for me or so I thought. 

I remember walking to tesco my mum n she said one day it happen for me, my comments and too as been alone and single at time genuinley meant and too believed in my heart and with clear conviction said to my mum. I’ve accepted will never happen for me as if it was would have happened by now. I’d accepted I was never going to be mum and coming too terms just be aunt. 

A year on though I am Mum or soon be Mum, I too found an Adam or maybe fate brought us together especially as was adamant when did come into my life us just be friends no more but I slowly grew like him n he me, his quirky personality melted me n the fact night tears flowed happiness and sadness and Adam he was there n held me through it n talked me through n too distracted me through. 

Love did blossom did have some turbulent ups n downs but we found a way work. 

Im soon be a mum, he be a dad people have said now used to are happy but timing not right, timing may have not been right to them but too me their was never a wrong or right time as gave up on be a time but everything does happen for a reason n reason maybe regardless of job changes, moves, a new love blossoming or try grow between me n Adam maybe is actually our time maybe were meant be a family of 3 something people should give us chance be not feel take over, make us jump through hoops, treat us like we won’t know what doing, people should step back n allow us have our time, us be parents n my time be mum something I told my mum I’d never be again but am excited, happy, determined give myles all can for he’s My Myles, My Son, My child n finally my moment be mum a moment I can’t wait to treasure a moment that was meant to be a moment that’s just right time 4 me and meant be n myles I can’t wait be mum n blessed u my son and knows our time n so for me is our right time, 

I love you Myles, I can’t wait be Mum, you chose me be mum n I’m blessed thing people to know need realise that too n I know n I will do what’s best 4 me, my son, my family as knows our moment n our moment to have x x x 

Sharing my fears was Surestart Ok.

Yesterday was an eye opener but a good eye opener n something I really needed to open up on n glad in away either otherwhelm or pregnancy hormones hit when did. 

 

Yesterday I was going to meet my local Sure start Family Team, I was nervous, didnt know what on offer, didn’t know if would get me n didn’t know if could adequately support me or Lil Dumbo and USA just discharged by cmht last month as a perinatal team supposed take over monitoring me n no contact as of yet I’ve felt a bit anxious like a sitting duck scared manage my fears alone n tried do best can n too I expected Surestart be a Sure let down to me too. I was so wrong though. 

On the train across to appointment I tried not think about n read a book on my iPad, Chatted with my mum on phone along way she under a lot of strains at moment unfairly attacked by some own family all for doing right thing n caring I hate hearing or seeing her upset as all she does is try do her best suppose that’s why when off the train n walking up the intrusive n self criticism hit me “why u going a family centre don’t u care hit me” 

when facing building to go in I stood a few minutes before press buzzer thought turn arnd, turn arnd but my Lil one kicked n like he knew nudge mummy N nudged your hear n knew let me know because I cared”

walking across the playing ground to entrance seeing person wait to greet me in the realisation hit me I’m at a family centre 4 me I’m a mum in less than 12 weeks n boom floodgates opened n boom my mouth opened too all my fears, anxieties were all ready slip out n to someone who was a stranger, did not  know me but knew I was a scared mum to be n instinctively said what your feeling is “normal n all mums feel” n it’s ok be scared n were here to help a support you” 

I don’t know but fact she knew that without me say I think helped me open up n more than I normally do but glad did as realised it was ok n feel they’ll be good for me n Lil one. 

I’m going to have some 1-1 support addressing some things, Counselling referral as I still to release my feelings say goodbye properly to Marybeth n let go n too as I’ve started reflecting on my past abuse realised with that it will affect my relationships n how I trust people n so I too know address that. 

Psychology in past enabled me see n accept had certain patterns, analyse process self , address or ammend certain patterns of behaviour but know that time explore n release the feelings n not the behaviours  n move on a step further n so counselling it is n ready for.

Because I want to so get it right 4 Lil dumbo n he too a healthy start one of things I want get right day 1 is breast feed so I’m gonna join a breast feeding peer support group n with it meet new mums or new mums to be like me. 

There’s a baby first aid course too I’m going to look at do not just 4 my Lil one but I to learn a new skill

theres an under 2s group I can go to but best yet my mum can bring one of my niece or nephews or my siblings can come and bring them n I can settle more n too bond with them better I hope they come too. 

If like I can look a further courses n thinks be involved with n why like knowing gonna have a Surestart plan n their support as I left knowing I was success of a mum not a failure as I was taking first steps to enable me be best mum ever n not a a failure as thought. 

 

Sure Start was Sure OK n Sure Start will think be what keeps me Sure Ok as yesterday I realised it ok say n ask 4 support n it not a bad think is so I can be a good thing n that a good mum x